What is Self-Compassion?
To have self-compassion is to treat yourself with kindness. It requires patience and grace rather than judgment and criticism. Popularized by Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion focuses on the importance of embracing our shared humanity and accepting our imperfections; which is not always easy.
Self-compassion is empathy at its finest.
And unfortunately, we often express more empathy for others than we do for ourselves. We are able to understand and forgive the mistakes of others, but criticize and dwell on our own mistakes.
It’s fascinating that while compassion for others comes naturally, self-compassion is something many of us have to learn.
Why is that? What holds us back from showing ourselves grace for making ordinary, human mistakes?
Not only is empathy required to be gentle and forgiving toward ourselves, but it is the foundation of self-compassion. Without empathy, there is no space for genuine understanding or acceptance of ourselves, others, and this imperfect human experience.
The 3 Pillars of Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is built on three core principles: self-kindness, shared humanity, and mindfulness.
- Self-Kindness: Rather than judging ourselves or being overly critical, self-kindness calls for us to be of support to ourselves in those moments where we need it the most. Being kind to yourself doesn’t mean that you overlook your mistakes; instead, you recognize them and choose to forgive yourself.
- Common Humanity: When you’re having a tough time, it can feel like you’re the only one going through it. But, it’s important to remember that everyone experiences pain, failure, and challenges in life. You are never alone. Suffering is an experience that we all share in different ways.
- Mindfulness: Mindfulness involves being present with your thoughts and feelings without being judgmental. It requires awareness and acceptance of what is. Through mindfulness, we can objectively observe our emotions and respond with compassion.
Must-Read Self Help Books for More Self Compassion
By Dr. Ali Fenwick | On sale: Sep 17, 2024 (available for pre-order)
Red Flags, Green Flags: Modern psychology for everyday drama by Dr. Ali Fenwick may be the only book that you need to identify healthy and unhealthy behaviors. This must-have manual will not only make detecting red flags a piece of cake, but it will also offer tips on setting boundaries and how to handle any situation – personally and professionally – a great form of self-compassion.
Green flags only, please!
2. Bright Shining: How Grace Changes Everything
By: Julia Baird | On sale: Oct 8, 2024 (available for pre-order)
Self-compassion requires us to give ourselves grace when we make mistakes, and Julia Baird explains how we can accomplish this in her book, Bright Shining: How Grace Changes Everything. Bright Shining explores the true meaning of grace, how to recognize it, and shows us how we can incorporate grace into our own lives.
3. Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency
By: Terri Cole | On sale: Oct 15, 2024 (available for pre-order)
Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency by Terri Cole is not just for those who identify with the term “codependent”—it’s for anyone looking to prioritize themselves, build emotional resilience, and break the habit of putting others’ needs before their own. This book helps readers recognize codependent behaviors, offering tools like self-assessments, and exercises to foster emotional well-being. Too Much will help you cultivate a life grounded in authenticity, personal freedom, and true joy.
As a recovering people pleaser, this one is on my list!
How do you practice self-compassion?
